Learning to accept myself;the good, the bad and the ugly

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I recently blogged about seeing my own flaws through my children, more specifically Mr. T. who is so much like me it’s scary. Thinking through that post, writing it and now re-reading it has caused to think about my flaws from another perspective. I am finally beginning to not only accept my flaws but to be ok with the world knowing what they are. I am beginning to lose the need to be perfect all the time. I haven’t quite figured out if this is another side effect of having children or if it’s just a normal part of getting older, perhaps it’s a little of both?

I’ve spent much of my life focusing on my flaws in some way or another. From analyzing them, obsessing about them or trying to hide them, my weak points have been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. While I think this is probably quite a common by product of ‘growing up’, I really do think that seeing my failings reflected through Mr T is helping me to accept myself for who I am.

When I look at Mr. T, I don’t automatically focus on his weaknesses. I am aware of them and I do see them when they rear their ugly heads but I don’t think any less of him because of them. I kind of look at these parts of his personality and think so what? They are a side bar to his positives.

For every part of him that isn’t at it’s strongest he has multiple wonderful traits. He whines, true, but he is also extremely caring and generous. He will not think twice about sharing anything and everything he has and he always thinks of others. He is emotional which can be so trying at times but his passion transcends to everything he does. He loves with every breath he takes and he makes sure you always know just how much he loves you, never shying away from showing his affection.

Examining Mr T, and seeing myself in him, made me realize that if I am perfectly aware of his flaws yet I adore him with everything that I am then why am I so concerned with other people seeing my own failings??? Those who truly love me will not stop loving me because I’m not perfect and those who can’t accept my weaknesses will just have to move on.

I am not perfect. There I admit it. There are so many things about me that are so very far from perfect. Who cares?  Yes I am sensitive. My feelings get hurt easily and sometimes I will lash out because of that. I am a bit short tempered and have been known to get quite snippy and sarcastic. Sometimes my anxities can cause me to say and do the absolute wrong thing in certain situations and I spend alot of time trying to get people to think I am without flaw. I have too many shortcomings to even begin to list.

To that I say oh well!

Just as with Mr. T. for every fault you will find a positive.

As I get older I realize that perfection does not exist and I have wasted enough time struggling to try and achieve the unachievable. I am who I am. You gotta take the good with the bad. I’m am learning that the complexities of our imperfections mixed in with our accomplishments is what makes us beautiful, what makes us interesting, what makes us human.

I don’t want my children to beat themselves down for having faults. My hope is to teach them to own who they are blemishes and all. I want them to know that their downfalls will not define them, they will in fact make them even stronger. To try and learn from their mistakes, build on who they are and be the best that they can be, is a lesson I want to impart from early on. I will always love them and anyone worth anything will not allow the imperfections to blind them and miss out on their beauty.

 

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