Goodbye 38

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Goodbye #38.

This is a bittersweet goodbye. I walk away with my heart full of loving memories and my eyes filled with tears.

You welcomed me into your four walls a naïve young girl. A girl who had no idea just how much work it takes to turn a house into a home. I walked through your doorway for the first time innocent and unaware of the path life was going to take me down.

Your blank canvas lapped up our creative designs as we attempted to make you ours. Two different people with two different ideas of what a home should look like coming together to make it our own. You welcomed family and friends and opened your doors for parties, family dinners and celebrations.

You stood by us as our relationship grew into a marriage. Your doors swung open with gusto as we returned from the beach an officially married couple ready to take the next step in our journey. When we made our mistakes and succumbed to pressure and fighting you didn’t judge us but reminded us that we were creating our own family now and that we had to come first.

You rejoiced with us when we began the process of adding new blood to this little family that was soon to be three. I never felt happier than when I was creating a polka dotted wall in our very first nursery and your smile was felt shining through those happy yellow walls.

You bore witness to my tears and wrapped me in warmth when my son was sick. While I sat on the floor of the bathtub and sobbed, thinking no one could hear me, you were listening. Your quiet solitude understood my sorrow as I stood in the doorway of his empty nursery night after night wishing him home and you kept it warm and ready for him knowing that it wouldn’t be long before his will and power overcame his struggles.

And when we finally pulled up with that car seat strapped into the backseat holding a real live baby, I felt you sigh with relief.

Two short years later excitement surged through your walls one more time as we welcomed a big ball of energy, our little Ms. J, and your contentment could be felt deep within our hearts. I still feel at peace rocking her under the cherry blossom tree that spreads across her perfect pink wall.

I wasn’t always kind to you and for that I am so sorry. I slammed your doors in anger and sometimes I let far too much dust gather in your corners. At times I gave up on you, yet you never turned your back on me. When I shivered in the cold just months after bringing home Mr. T, you made sure we stayed toasty warm shutting us into the master bedroom until the furnace was replaced. As I sat nursing Ms. J and heard the first few drips of a minor leak that quickly progressed, I cursed you for always falling apart at the worst moment. Yet every hiccup that we faced was always kept under control. You protected us.

You have seen us through heartbreak and victories. You tended to us through sickness and took comfort in our health. Mr. T. toddled around, his chubby little legs running back and forth in the front hallway tiring us out. Ms. J crawled up and down your stairs like she was climbing Mount Everest. We cuddled and cried. We laughed and we yelled.  For the past 9 years you have been the centre of our family.

I wandered through your front door nothing more than a girl. Within your shelter I grew into a wife, a mother, a woman.

In just a few short days I leave you a changed person. I leave you stronger, wiser, and more confident. I leave you just as excited to see what the future holds as I was when you first became mine.

My hope is that you help the next couple that walk through your doors, grow into the family they want to be. I know you will keep them safe and warm just as you have us. You will forever be my first home. My heart is hurting. Though I know that it’s time for us to go, I leave with a heavy soul. I leave with tears. I leave a part of my heart hidden deep in your walls. Please keep a part of me with you because you will forever be a part me.


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2 thoughts on “Goodbye 38

  1. OMG Natalie! You brought tears to my eyes!!! You have truly found your calling in writing, I believe. I can see and FEEL your joy and pain. Good luck in your new house and I’m sure, in time, it will be next to your heart as you, Carlos and the little ones, grow even more closer, sharing the teen years and and growing more, and more wiser. With Love, Linda xOx xOx

  2. I agree Linda. Each time I read something Nat has written I laugh, I cry, I smile but each and every time I feel the words she has written…a sign of a good writer I think!

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